As I was coming out of my dreamstate this morning, I was given a message. It said that I was doing just fine and that my recent worries about losing faith in a movement that I had been following for the last twenty years was exactly what was to be expected for the stage I have reached on the path to realization. ‘No more Gurus’ the voice said faintly, as I opened into consciousness. I woke to a good feeling.
Does that means no more inspirational books? It’s been a while since I went to workshops and lectures. I realised that everyone was doing what I do anyway-which is expressing their dreams and hopes. Once one has talked through the quantum world view-which is truly revolutionary, what else is there to say? After all, none of us knows what’s going to happen. It’s all surmise and creative thinking. I rarely hear anything new; just another spin.
I think that what’s happened is that reading Gebser has moved me somehow into another phase of understanding. He’s given me a panoramic view of the history of knowledge that I now hold within me. Of course I can’t quote and argue my corner with this, why would I want to? It is just sitting quietly within me, like a knowing.
I have restructured my life over those twenty years, so that I spend my time being, rather than stressing and struggling. I’m lucky enough to have had a breakthrough that resulted in me no longer being any good at my job, so I was pensioned off. What freedom that has given me-to write ,to paint, to change the way I think, to be and to go. I am living a life today that one day everyone will live- if they are lucky.
The world is changing a lot faster than my capacity to keep up. I don’t compete. I just create a corner of sanity and live out my days. I have to live simply because my early retirement means that I have limited funds. Today I live a life very much like my parents did in the fifties. I observe the rule of ‘No Entitlement’. I am very grateful for what I have and make sure I never compare what I have with anyone else. The world is awash with stuff, so I buy secondhand. Cheap and shabby chic is my style. I love my home.
This is the foundation stone of my contentment. There is nothing complaisant about it. If the worst happens I can recreate what I have here, elsewhere. Everything I see is translatable. I came back from my Amazon years with three cabin trunks and have expanded and shunk ever since. The evolution of a life is best done like that, otherwise one gets weighed down with stuff and rapid ageing results.
I have made my peace with the past and now I am in the process of doing the same with the future. I have learned that it is best to travel light, which is not my natural default mode. I have found myself within the story of my life. Now it will be a ‘to be cont…’
I have looked for order and found uncertainty and chaos. So I have carved my own place within. A grotto for my soul. Change goes on and I accommodate it as best I can. Here at a fulcrum point in history, I have a choice. To stay rigid and fear based or to be flexible; climb on my metaphorical surf board and Geronino! ride the wave that straddles the old and the new, into the future. You know which one I choose.
I choose the world that wants us to be awake to connection. I see a great freedom opening up for those ready to step inside. I see in the general splintering of reality a chance to create my own reality. I see possibilities within what’s coming, to grow and be and love. And when I look back on the history of the development of knowledge I can see that some things never have changed and never will. It was Aristotle who identified what humans really need for happiness. They are health, knowledge, self esteem, friends and love.
I carry my home within, like a snail carries its shell- a shell marked with a spiral. The spiral is the very first shape that matter makes on its journey from chaos to order. Isn’t that amazing?