The Pirates of Pzazz

My friend Charley is the same age as me and she’s got herself a new man. ‘He’s a bit of a pirate, Allie,’ she said with a giggle. She’s a great giggler is Charley and I felt quite a pang when I realised that the said pirate would be getting the benefits of that giggle, instead of me on a Saturday night in our pyjamas before a blazing fire, talking as we always have done about men. I have to say I’ve been feeling a bit off since she told me. The truth is that I’m jealous. I’d like a pirate too. There I’ve said it. I fell in love with The Crimson Pirate at ten and I haven’t thought much about him since but he’s been nestling in there all these years, waiting for a suitable moment to pop up again so to speak. Charming, gallant, rough around the edges and totally up for a good swinging from the ropes. I’ve reached the age when a pirate would be just the ticket. He’d make me squeal and laugh and push me about in that manly way, so that I bounce off the cabin walls and in the morning he’d be off with a wave and a flash of those white gnashers, to roam the main and find other amusements, leaving me to dream of the next arrival in my port. Perfect.

There was another giggle and a sigh from Charley. ‘He’s got pzazz,’ she continued, dreamily. I was now getting irritated. Talk about hitting the jackpot. A pirate with pzazz. I hadn’t heard the word in years. I doubt if Charley knows that the word was invented by Diana Vreeland, the eccentric, inspirational and very thin editor of Vogue & Harpers Bazaar(see right) who meant it as a winning combination of energy and style. A perfect word to describe the fizzy Mr Lancaster, just out of the circus and ready for fun. But why this late in life Allie? Well, I’ve always fallen for men who are likely to stick around, apart from the Boy that is, who come to think of it was a bit of a pirate himself, capable as he was of rising from my bed and disappearing for six months. I minded at the time but I guess now it would be a positive advantage. I’ve got far too many interesting things to do to cook and clean and mop up after a man. The thing about pirates is that they also have other things to do; exciting things involving danger and blood and weaponry. And then exhausted by the rough, they need a tumble with the feminine to put them right again, which is where I come in.

I asked Charley where she had met him but she looked away and changed the subject. I reckon Charley has been out clubbing. I shan’t do that but tomorrow I think I’ll take a walk down by the docks!


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