The Gift of Wrang Wrangs

According to Brian Eno, “for the world to be an interesting place you have to be manipulating it all the time.” My big fear has always been boredom and so I have spend my life manipulating my world, mainly through thought. As thought lies in the fifth dimension it is no doubt there (if there is a there beyond the third) that matter and spirit gel to produce what manifests in the high density, low vibration ‘real’ world. Cutting edge science in Russia is discovering that genes are turned on and off by our thoughts. I like the thought of being in control of my genes. I like anything that gives me a sense of control. I have used the brake a lot more than the throttle in my life, which is probably why, against the odds, I am still here.I made the decision at the highest point of a fairground ride in a French fair in the 60s. You need never be in this frightening place again of your own volition, Allie, I vowed to myself and I never have. The only scary rides I’ve been on since have been emotional. You can’t avoid those but I will say something-they get easier with time. I am not feeling the shuddering earthquake of heartbreak with Giles. He was urbane and good to be with. He held my hand but not my heart. This wasn’t a decision. It was the simple fact that my heart was already taken. That part of me went with the Boy. Kurt Vonnegut calls them ‘wrang-wrangs’, these people who appear in one’s life to teach the hardest lessons. The Boy was my arch wrang-wrang. And the lesson he taught me? That I can swim with all my heart and still have myself on the other shore. I have loved and it was not myself I lost. There is always a path out of the forest. Little Red Riding Hood. I can chart my course in fairy tales. But not today.

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